he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
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you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
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I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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