rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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