I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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