you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
