I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
