enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
