did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
