I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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