you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
