Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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