The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize