420 ftw
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
