question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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