did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
