youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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