You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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