I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
