Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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