Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
