im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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