i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
