All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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