I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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