Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
