ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
