I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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