During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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