The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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