ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
