At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
