do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
