When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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