Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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