just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
