hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
