Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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