My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
