When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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