I murdered the dance floor call the cops
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
