I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
