he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
