wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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