I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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