Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
