i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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