I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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