I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
