How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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