can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
