Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
