I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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