1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
