why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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