God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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