recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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