nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
