Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Randomize
