i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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