For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
